Day 2520
So end of another week and another month. As cliche as it is time truly moves quickly. Like I can't tell you where the last 2 months went and we're approaching April like a muthafucker. Like how are we don't with Feb already when January dragged along so much.
It's bittersweet when time flies, like I'm happy for payday and the like but hate how quickly things move. I'm lost for time and can barely do feel productive. Is life simply just coasting me by.
Is it something you need to snap out of in order to do something real and serious. This weekend for the first time in ages felt productive/slow and all in the same breath past by quickly. It's all rather confusing this whole time concept.
#Chapter25
Day 2519
Sometimes, you just have to be big enough to say sorry. We get in our own little worlds and minds and we neglect everything else around us.
We, develop such a me Vs the world mentality and carry it everywhere with us. We can't see the grass from the trees. We can't see those who are willing to help us. Lift us. Carry us along the way. In the end it was I who achieved this feat.
Live. You know really live with those around you. Don't get upset or angry over petty shit. Really be the bigger man. Kill your ego, we really don't need that. Now I'm not saying be a pushover or be walked upon. But be kind to those you love, and admire. They're the only ones deserving of your kindness. So pucker down and admit defeat more often. You can't lose if they're sincerely happy.
#Chapter25
Day Naught.
I hate being cold. Just be normal with me and I'll be normal back. It's not hard it's just decency. If you don't wanna talk then that's cool too just let me know. Stop putting me in this limbo of annoyance. Perhaps it's my fault. I have to cut off the world in order to save myself from being cut. Back to the fake smiles and hurried glances. You know what you lost. It's still somehow my fault.
#TalesOfTheInbetween
Day Naught.
Falling.
I am
But not like the way you think I am.
Deep seated
But spiriling out of control.
Sinking deeper
Into this abyss that I call my mind.
Sprawling into darkness
Forever loosing myself.
I am.
Falling.
#TalesOfTheInbetween
Day 2518
I honestly don't know what to write. I don't feel like writing. I just feel like lounging around doing nothing. I have no motivation for writing and expressing myself. I want to curl up and watch the office until I get sick of it. I want to feel warm inside my soul. I don't feel down or depressed. I'm feeling burnt out and I don't know why. Well I think I know why. I don't feel love. I don't feel lust. Maybe I am depressed and it's killing my desires. Why am I putting so much effort into others. I genuinely don't feel love from those who claim to do so. I should scale back and be appropriate. I don't know anymore how I'm supposed to live or act or be. I'm in love with love and I need it. Just don't turn out like me.
#Chapter25
Day 2517
It's one of those days. You know where nothing is quite right, things don't fall into place. It's not necessarily a bad day but not quite good either. An in-between, one of those days you much rather forget about and move right on but it has those annoying nagging components which you dwell on far too long.
It's been one of those days. I much rather forget about it. Hopefully I won't be able to look back at it.
#Chapter25
Day 2516
I feel I have changed over these last 4 years. As I've taken strides in my life and career I definitely feel the effects of it. I feel worn out and worn down. This job requires me to be in the office 5 days a week which I am starting to find tough if I'm being honest. Mainly due to a lack of sleep. Now not getting the right amount of sleep is really taking its toll on me. I hadn't realised what it does to a person, I understand sleep is important but I've never felt it like this before.
Day Naught
Pursuit of happiness.
We've conflated it for the pursuit of money, power and sex.
We run to the top as fast as we can in order to feel happiness.
We sacrifice our youth and time in order to earn extra dime. We say to ourselves I'll rest when I'm dead.
But death came to us long before we noticed.
I know you've heard this all before and find it so clichy but I'm not asking you to give up chasing your money.
Just don't drag me down when we can't find anything in common.
I'm happy with my life.
I'm happy with my job.
I'm happy with how little or much I earn.
I'm content with it all.
I get you can't find your happiness.
Do another 60 hours.
I'm sure you'll find it somewhere.
#TalesOfTheInbetween
Day 2515
Does it make sense to force myself to write. When I don't want to or have to catch a flight. Should I sit down and find the time to scribble something down. Clear out the heavens and the earth in order to type it out on the ground.
Day 2514
I'm quite happy with how I've managed to post what I owed, I got to write a few random pieces, I don't know if they're any good but they are now in the ether of the internet. I guess that's how you get better by posting your shit out there and see what sticks and what doesn't. Although I still feel like this platform is still a bubble, step removed from the mainstream, I also feel like the community is smaller than how it was during covid. Who knows really, I've been thinking about publishing beyond these walls and maybe going a bit more mainstream but there's always that aspect of fear holding me back. What if it truly isn't any good. But why should that matter deep down. I'm just doing this for the love of it. Realistically even if no one views this would it stop me from posting? No.
#Chapter25