1 #ChapterOne 2 #ChapterTwo 3 #ChapterThree 4 #ChapterFour 5 #Chapter25
#TalesOfTheInbetween

I've been feeling pretty depressed these last few days, since that day, I can't remember when exactly it was now but basically since then. During the day I can distract myself but at nights when I'm alone with my thoughts I can't really handle it as well.

Last night was no exception, honestly I don't know how to handle it or what to do moving forward, I feel like I'm in this black hole and honestly I've been putting off speaking about it in detail because, well because I honestly don't know. I know it'll make me feel better when getting it out there on paper (if you will) but I guess when you're in that state you don't really want to do much that makes you feel better, but continue dwelling in the darkness that is your life at that moment in time.

I have no reason to be down anymore, I am making positive steps in my life, but cutting away the filth, but a vaccum in your life can cause instability, however it is something I chose to do. So in essence, giving up a bad habit should make you feel better but it has the traverse affect on a person due to their relience upon it.

To be frank, writing things down, allows my mind to view it from a different dynamic, I've felt so alone, isolated, sad these last few days and it seemed like all my other bouts of depression, in state of being lost. The depression itself doesn't change but its triggers or causes are so. In essence, this isn't something new for me but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. Hopefully I can take some positive steps to defeat this fight, because it is just that. A fight, this darkness trying to ruin my life but I need to do my upmost best to get through it.

Today, I'm glad I wrote this because it is a step in the right direction, acknowledging it which I've done sure, but writing it out always offers a different level of clarity on any situation. Especially this.

#ChapterOne

Around 5ish I jumped out and met a couple of friends who were already there, actually it was more like half 5/6, they both left around 7ish, just before that, so I was on my own and ngl I was slightly elated that I was on my own. After the footy, literally everyone left the spot and I was on my own and chilling. I really enjoyed it, and then stayed there for an extra hour or so.

Around 8, decided to call it a night and went home, got home and just chilled with my family, my parents weren't home so it was just us siblings and my niece. Literally just came up now and so I was down there for a good 2 and a half hours. It was nice, I was feeling slightly down and tired but chilling with them really boosted my mood and prevented another spiral of emotions and was a pleasant distraction.

Now I'm back in my room, writing this up, thought let me get it over and done with lol so then I can chill effectively, eat some snacks and watch something before going to bed and do the same thing lol.

But yeah overall, decent day, with much needed alone time. Which was nice afffffff.

#ChapterOne

I woke up a bit too early for my liking but shit happens I suppose, I think I woke up around 11/12 and just stayed it bed until about 1 or 2, basically when I was called to come down and eat the Subway that my sister had kindly ordered for me. After eating I came back upstairs and straight into bed, I mean why not, it was a me day afterall. Then I started feeling sleepy around 3 or 4, and honestly I was about to knock out a couple of times, the closest I came was at 5, but some family came over and I made my way downstairs.

Then the announcement was said, and basically we're going to be in another national lockdown, which to be completely honest, I have been looking forward to, it'll allow me to structure some things and take a break from the outside world for a bit.

So my friend messaged me, insisting I come out as we don't have many days left of 'freedom' and I obliged. So went out and chilled out, as I do and it was pretty enjoyable. Decent night out if I do say so myself.

Got home, chilled in my room for a bit and then had a fairly long convo with my friend, nice little catchup of what's going on which we hadn't done so in awhile really, but now I am really hungry and I've missed my personal deadline by a few minutes now. But it was to be expected.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll dedicate some time to write stuff properly, stuff I was feeling over the last couple of days or so. If I actually remember it all. We'll see.

But that'll do me for the day.

#ChapterOne

So that's why another reduced post today. Tomorrow, hopefully I'll be in a better position to write, in a clearer mindset, as I've just been occupied with the pain, I've never had a should injury before today.

But that's me, I need to eat and take painkillers, then relax until I fall asleep and it being Saturday, my personal day, I can chill and don't need to be anywhere.

Until then

#ChapterOne

Well and truly I'm not in the state of mind to write a full catchup of my day and night. But I will write a proper one tomorrow. I wanted to write this as a placeholder of sorts. I'm really doing great right now. I just wanted to lay down and either lay there in darkness or occupy myself until I can't stand to look at a screen. But I will try to sleep ontime, so I don't want to be awake at 6 in the morning, like I usually am at this point in time.

So I'll take my time and write out a proper post tomorrow.

So that'll be it for today.

#ChapterOne

After I got up, I started doing some work, this one issue is really annoying me and I am unable to fix it and I don't know why. I've done everything I am supposed to do but the one function the user needs; fails to work. So I spent a lot of time attempting to that but to no avail, I also didn't do much just waited for tickets to come through and deal with them.

Around 3ish I started to feel tired, so I decided to take my lunch and have a bath. It was honestly a much needed bath and I felt good and relaxed after it. Then I decided to call it a day for work as I only had a bit of my day left and literally no further tickets came through.

I, then layed in bed until dinner, I ate dinner, chilled downstairs for a bit before coming up like an hour or two ago. I tried to make some plans to get out of the house, but no one was freeee, and since then I've been angry/bored, trying to find something to do. But I didn't do what I usually do, I got up got snacks and here we are. Full circle.

So yeah I'm gonna destroy by semi-stable stomach with sugar, gluten and the like and hopefully find something good to watch.

#ChapterOne

So today started like a lot of others, woke up at 9 after sleeping at quarter to 3, again, for the second day in a row and as you can imagine I woke up tired afff. Honestly, so tired, I've been that way all day, you cannot imagine how drained I feel, ontop of that I feel body fatigue from football, so that is just great!

I actually started work earlier than usual, I think, lol but I had no real motivation to do anything, I did jobs here and there, most of it was spent waiting for tickets, and literally dying. I could have just layed in bed and worked but I just stayed at the desk, cracked out of my mind at times but I got shit done lol.

After that, went to the usual spot, around 4ish, chilled and relaxed for about a couple of hours, honestly getting out of the house allowed me to feel somewhat fresh and shit but we called it a day when hunger came calling. We left around 6 and I was honestly falling asleep in the car, it was that tired and relaxed lol.

Got home, ate dinner, it was quite tasty I might add, after that came upstairs and wobbled straight into bed and just layed there like a log. But everything changed when the bladder nation attacked! I tried to ignore it as long as possible but was like fuck it, might as well get up now. I needed to charge my phones, and write this post out. So it was a little excuse to say the least.

But that's pretty much it to be honest, I am tired but the annoying thing is, I'm slowly starting to feel more awake as time progresses which is a pain in the ASS!! But hopefully it shouldn't take long to do so. One would hope. But knowing me I'll be down a youtube rabbit hole at 3 in the morning.

#ChapterOne

So today has been so long, (you know days like this I wish I could just upload an audio recording instead of typing it up. I mean I am feeling so tired and zapped of energy, and typing does not help.) I woke up early around 9am on the dot, actually I woke up like 15 mins before then. I basically stayed in bed until about 11 something where I did my regular pre-meeting routine and got to the desk like half an hour beforehand, which is sort of a record for me at this point lol.

The meeting ended up being pushed back anyway, but had a catchup with my colleague, that was done at 12, and I ate breakfast that time too. I did some work up until about 2/3 where I was completely gassed out and honestly just wanted to be done for the day. So around 4:40, I called it a day and went on lunch, to finish my day off.

I basically layed in bed until about 6, I couldn't eat dinner early as we got takeaway, by the time they got the food and if I ate, I wouldn't have been able to play properly, so I didn't. Which kinda was a mistake, I was so gassed out at the end of football it was unreal, I did a lot of running too. I got kicked loads, got two nasty ass bruises on each leg.

Took an hour long bath when I got home, ordered food which came at half 10, then ate and I think I took ages to eat lol and now I'm writing this up whilst being distracted by my phone at the same time.

But that's pretty much it for the day, and I have about 6 minutes to spare, so until next time.

#ChapterOne

The day started like every other Sunday it seems, going sleep late and waking up way too early being kinda tired when I woke up, I stayed in bed for a few hours which is always nice. Went down to eat around 1ish or something and then got a message from my friend asking if I wanted to jump out. I went out around 3ish or something and chilled til about 5:30, basically went home because I got hungry. Got home and ate Mac'n'Cheese which was very filling, I couldn't even finish my plate lol that is how much my mum put on my plate, whilst eating got another call from another friend, asking if I wanted to go out around half 8, to which I agreed. S

Then had another phone call from anothe friend around 7ish closer to 8 to be honest, nice discussion on a couple of topics that I haven't spoken about in awhile, so got the old brain cogs running.

Then jumped out and chilled till 10 when we were asked to leave, naturally, having a laugh and all that with some guys there and a spoke to another school friend who was there about, essentially, wealth inequality in accordance to spending of the uber wealthy, quite insightful as he witnesses it first hand at his workplace, but nothing mindblowing in all honesty.

Then got outside my place, and spoke some more with the friend who picked me up, nice little catch up and all, spoke about my plans to create a plan for the next 5 years of my life and the need to have a structure in place for things I'd like to achieve in those 5 years.

(Wow so many thens lol) Got home, chilled and remembered that I needed to write out todays post, and got busy here and there. But I have pretty much finished it with 5 mins to spare before the daily deadline lol

But yeah the latter half of the day, specifically the last 3 hours have left like a weekday lol which was odd but back to work tomorrow and the 9 o'clock starts begin too. So something to look forward to lol BUT got football tomorrow which is a bonus.

So until tomorrow.

#ChapterOne