Day 2521 I feel clearer. I feel better. I feel slightly refreshed but honestly for the first time in a long time I don't feel shit or down in the dumps. I'm not sure what's different but I don't feel hazed and I just overall feel healthier. Earlier in the day I felt like shit, didn't sleep enough and was tired. When I got home from work same thing just tired. But now I don't know what changed. I just feel alive.
#Chapter25
Day 2521 Tiredness. I feel it in my bones. In my soul. From the core to the floor. The feeling of being out of it in the thick of it. Barely conscious. But there's no forgiving it. We all feel it. But there's no mercy toward it. No excuses or acceptance for not getting our 8 hours. Mocked for sleeping early but reprimand for our tired mistakes. Good ol' tiredness. You gotta hate it.
#Chapter25
Day 2520 So end of another week and another month. As cliche as it is time truly moves quickly. Like I can't tell you where the last 2 months went and we're approaching April like a muthafucker. Like how are we don't with Feb already when January dragged along so much.
It's bittersweet when time flies, like I'm happy for payday and the like but hate how quickly things move. I'm lost for time and can barely do feel productive. Is life simply just coasting me by.
Is it something you need to snap out of in order to do something real and serious. This weekend for the first time in ages felt productive/slow and all in the same breath past by quickly. It's all rather confusing this whole time concept.
#Chapter25
Day 2519 Sometimes, you just have to be big enough to say sorry. We get in our own little worlds and minds and we neglect everything else around us.
We, develop such a me Vs the world mentality and carry it everywhere with us. We can't see the grass from the trees. We can't see those who are willing to help us. Lift us. Carry us along the way. In the end it was I who achieved this feat.
Live. You know really live with those around you. Don't get upset or angry over petty shit. Really be the bigger man. Kill your ego, we really don't need that. Now I'm not saying be a pushover or be walked upon. But be kind to those you love, and admire. They're the only ones deserving of your kindness. So pucker down and admit defeat more often. You can't lose if they're sincerely happy.
#Chapter25
Day 2518 I honestly don't know what to write. I don't feel like writing. I just feel like lounging around doing nothing. I have no motivation for writing and expressing myself. I want to curl up and watch the office until I get sick of it. I want to feel warm inside my soul. I don't feel down or depressed. I'm feeling burnt out and I don't know why. Well I think I know why. I don't feel love. I don't feel lust. Maybe I am depressed and it's killing my desires. Why am I putting so much effort into others. I genuinely don't feel love from those who claim to do so. I should scale back and be appropriate. I don't know anymore how I'm supposed to live or act or be. I'm in love with love and I need it. Just don't turn out like me.
#Chapter25
Day 2517 It's one of those days. You know where nothing is quite right, things don't fall into place. It's not necessarily a bad day but not quite good either. An in-between, one of those days you much rather forget about and move right on but it has those annoying nagging components which you dwell on far too long.
It's been one of those days. I much rather forget about it. Hopefully I won't be able to look back at it.
#Chapter25
Day 2516 I feel I have changed over these last 4 years. As I've taken strides in my life and career I definitely feel the effects of it. I feel worn out and worn down. This job requires me to be in the office 5 days a week which I am starting to find tough if I'm being honest. Mainly due to a lack of sleep. Now not getting the right amount of sleep is really taking its toll on me. I hadn't realised what it does to a person, I understand sleep is important but I've never felt it like this before.
Day 2515 Does it make sense to force myself to write. When I don't want to or have to catch a flight. Should I sit down and find the time to scribble something down. Clear out the heavens and the earth in order to type it out on the ground.
Day 2514 I'm quite happy with how I've managed to post what I owed, I got to write a few random pieces, I don't know if they're any good but they are now in the ether of the internet. I guess that's how you get better by posting your shit out there and see what sticks and what doesn't. Although I still feel like this platform is still a bubble, step removed from the mainstream, I also feel like the community is smaller than how it was during covid. Who knows really, I've been thinking about publishing beyond these walls and maybe going a bit more mainstream but there's always that aspect of fear holding me back. What if it truly isn't any good. But why should that matter deep down. I'm just doing this for the love of it. Realistically even if no one views this would it stop me from posting? No.
#Chapter25
Day 2513 Well more I hurt my back. I'm not even old but I hurt it bad, but not so bad where it's unbearable but bad enough where it hurts when I move. It's really annoying because it wasn't even the backs fault but another body part. I'm trying to get healthy and started working out again where this isn't ideal but it's annoying because it's not even the fault of a body part but an external injury.
Fucking fragile shit.
#Chapter25