Day 2538 Life is really rather interesting at times isn't it. A few months back I complained and was slightly upset over a project my friend was doing. It wasn't jealousy or ill-will but me being moany about the situation. Shortly after we asked me to work with him in an official capacity. Now things are moving really quickly. It feels kinda surreal and honestly until it comes into fruition it'll feel fake. So just working hard on getting things into gear with the hopes of it coming real.

But it's a lesson to me, if you want something no matter how small or unrealistic just go for it. What's the worst that can happen; you don't get it. But at least you won't have the regret of going for it. I know it's suuuper clichy but there's truth to it ultimately.

What else can I say. Not much else is coming to mind. I need to be stricter when it comes to my sleep I know that for sure. But it's difficult feeling like you don't have enough hours in the day for yourself. It's like it's just work then home. Maybe the trick is to start sleeping at the same time every day and waking up at that same time too. We'll see. 11:30 to 7:30 ain't half bad.

#Chapter25

Day 2537 Now wait. Chill. I'm not late or anything like that. I'm only writing 3 days a week – scheduled. If I wanna write more then I can but it's not expected of me! Okay! Gaawwd!

Okay awkwardness aside, I've been tired. Like real tired. On top of that I never wanna sleep on time which ruins everything. Everyday I'm awake at the same time. 7:30 but the time in which I sleep fluctuates massively. Recently has not been great but I manage generally however recently I have not been managing and it's really adding up. The sleep debt that is. Which I don't really see myself repaying. Which is causing issues for me. Annoyingly.

In other news I wanna go home and chill. Work has been annoying in particular this task I've been working on. Like shit does not wanna work and I hate that it doesn't. Honestly pain in my asss.

That's all I got folks. I'm tired ok.

#Chapter25

Day 2536 Well. Well. Well. Look at that. We made it. Back to back posts and right on schedule. Who would have thought it was so fucking hard to post consistently. But hey, we're here now and better than ever.

It's quite interesting the various states of mind we go through throughout the day. At work I felt a certain way, frustrated and tired. Then on my way home worried about my mum and how she is. Once I got home I was deflated, not wanting to do anything but doom scroll.

Now I'm sat here reflecting on things, kinda at peace, removed enough from work and better knowing my mum is recovering. It's time for dinner soon and I want to work on my homelab. Before I know it, 4 hours will pass and it'll be time for bed.

All to repeat the cycle again.

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Day 2535 What a day. Honestly been such a long day. Started off yesterday really. I slept ¾ hours then had a driving lesson first thing in the morning. A coffee in the morning got me awake but started off before even that.

So I couldn't sleep. I gave up trying for a bit, started watching a film. I find if I don't sleep before 12 then I don't sleep till 4. Don't ask why. Then I eventually slept and woke up. Just about but I was on time. I showered, ironed and got ready on my way to the station I thought lemme check the trains real quick. Cancelled. The first half of my journey. I ubered half way.

Then the lesson. It was supposed to be 2 hours but he forgot and it was an hour. I didn't mind it tbh it was good and I'm making progress.

Then I went to my parents. Everyone's all good. Lunch with the parents but before that an hour talk turned lecture turn old granda wisdom.

Lunch. It was tasty I'm not gonna lie, 4 of us are having fun and vibing, walking about London. Then the fall. Parent fell and cut their face a but, honestly I...I can't describe it. It's still very much on my mind but thankfully all clear. Managed to de-escalate the situation and calm and everyone. Parent doing much better but still in a bit of a shock. As am I. Ordered an Uber to sent them home.

We stayed in London for a bit longer then made our way home. Me. Worried and still a bit shaken up. Home. Cold shower. Reset. Feel better then called parents they went to the doc and he's given the A-OK. Much more relieved. Ate Korean foods with Thai milk tea.

I sit here now just reflecting on the weekend. It's been really tiresome and stressful with work fast approaching tomorrow. But it's over now, it hasn't been one of my favourite weekends. Open the sparking water put on one of my favourites and vibe till 11:30.

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Day 2534 I've been absent. I'm aware. Initially it was supposed to be a prolonged break due to the Easter bank holidays but then there some unforeseen events with the family which kept me busy and unavailable. Death in the family and then my father's health worsening. Fortunately things are more stable and sort of back to normal without being back to normal.

So I won't be back now until next Monday where we'll be business as usual.

I'll see you all soon.

#Chapter25

Day 2533 I always go through this. I never know what to write. Or how to structure it. I have been becoming a bit more uniform in the overall structure of things so I'll probably start doing templates and the like so we'll see.

I do need to update my about me page for the upteenth time, maybe I'll date stamp it so I can keep track. I've been also trying to start being a bit more proactive in exposing this blog but idk how I feel about it entirely just yet. I know I've been pondering it for ages.

I'll also be enjoying the long weekend so skipping the usual Monday post, just an FYI for the 2 people who actually read this. But yeah last day of the week, it should be quiet so looking forward to it.

Work has slightly gotten interesting, for the first time in ages so long forward to that. And I am really trying to motivate myself with starting my first draft for my book. Need that motivation!

#Chapter25

Day 2532 Is it truly the old cliché of being overstimulated. Honestly the pits of boredom are truly horrifying. Like I don't know what to do and nothing is really interesting. The same old short format content or even long form isn't piquing my interest. It tends to be the case, very productive morning but the boredom hits you and it's like blergh.

Like where do you go from here. Just enjoy the ride and the rest will get figured out? Or do interesting things and keep riding the wave. It's truly alarming. I just don't have any more words for this subject. It's beginning to bore me too.

#Chapter25

Day 2531 It's been a pleasant change, actually did something this weekend. In all honesty it was a very busy week. More outings than I'm used to. In my early twenties I used to go out 4/5 times a week and now I just about go once and that's only to break up my week. It's been quite a change, I really no longer have the stamina to walk around shops, and the like. My legs by the end of it are destroyed. Honestly.

But you know some stretching the night before and in the morning really help with the blood flow. Today I'm getting the urge again to go out and enjoy this really good weather we're having but we'll see.

#Chapter25

Day 2530 It's been a struggle at times. Writing that is. I know I keep going on about the same nonsense. I feel like my writings of yesteryears was definitely more upbeat and positive. Whereas more recently it's like all I do is complain about something. I don't want to be that guy, I don't want to be depressed with no life. But alas, I am. I've been unwell as of late and I've had to work, never thought I'd be that guy. Mostly what I do is watch TV after work, never thought I'd be that guy. I've become so dry and boring. I honestly need to kickstart myself into gear. Let's just chalk it up to a long winter with its short days.

I'll try to be more productive this summer.

#Chapter25

Day 2529 It's difficult. You have an idea, this concept rattling around in your mind but you can never put it into action. What is it...do you think too big and too fast? Getting carried away and try to flesh it out. Or is it the fear of failure holding you back? The reality of you're actually not great or anything special at all, holding you back.

It's tough. The first step is scary, and unfathomable. You're happy for the ones who put it out there in the world, as you're unable to do so. It's hard. You're comfortable. That's never going to change is it. Even when life was tough. You couldn't do anything about it.

#Chapter25