Day 96 Yes, yes, I know. I've been gone a long time. Maybe the longest break I've done. I actually don't know how many times it's been since I last updated this. But I thought clean start Monday morning and start witha fresh and clear mind.
So usually I add the days in but for this one, because I don't know how many days its been I won't do so (but I will by the time I finish up writing this post) and two I felt like unless I actually write it I shouldn't day such and such and a recap would be better within a day post. That way it is a bit neater for me anyway and yeah, that's my current logic. 'As I didn't write on those days, I won't count them as day posts.'
So, why I haven't post over this last week (day calculations incoming...) my God, it was last Saturday last time I posted something, if that is true then dayum a solid week. But yeah why, well honestly this week was a tough week for me, in terms of dealing with work, mental struggles as well as mental tiredness. We had a new starter join, so a lot of the week was spent helping him, that mean I was getting up early, I had no real time for myself during the day either, never got those hour or so lay downs which shows how I had no time. On top of that, anytime I wanted to go out, it had to be before 10pm, so the days became smaller essentially. So I just felt like I didn't get time for myself.
Albeit toward the end of the week, I found that I was beginning it much better and started to handle a lot better too. But during that time I felt I crawled deeper into depression. I was sleeping earlier as I had been getting into bed earlier etc which also meant I've been waking up earlier too. But that phone restriction stuff has gone out the window, so I'm using it as soon as I wake up, which I don't know how I feel about. I am sleeping more hours but I'm not resting during those hours, it feels broken and I feel my mind isn't getting the rest it needs either. So hopefully that'll be improved as time goes on. I mean I'm literally waking up around the 9am mark, with no alarm.
But yeah that's been the last week, the usual stuff didn't change, I do go out a bit less than I used to and been getting into bed between 10-11 for sleep, not just relaxing laydown which I do post work anyway. I've starting work around half 10, and if I didn't lay in bed in the mornings, it would most likely be earlier lol.
So for the day's catchup lol. Woke up around 9ish again, didn't go on my phone till about 10ish I think, as I could no longer sleep. I ended up laying in bed till about 12 or 1 I think, no it was half 12, I remember looking at the clock as I was brushing my teeth.
Then I got to working, had a morning meeting (I've been in so many meetings these past 3 working days its unreal, I think it's something like 10 in total with 7 happening in one day, which was last thursday) well I say morning it was around 1ish then soon after had another one with the new guy (which caused my breakfast to go cold) then ate and chilled, then needed to do some work.
We've been getting so many support tickets as of late, and with my manager being on leave, there are tickets that I don't have the accesses to resolve them, the know-how or just don't know the correct procedure. So that's been a tad bit stressful. So I tried setting up two company phones, it's like 90% done BUT the apps aren't showing up and you can't just download apps that you want, as it is blocked, so that has been such a pisstake today and very stressful. I did watch a film in the background but the job really pissed me off.
Then after that, layed down and relaxed a little, I've been watching so much Family Feud clips on YouTube, it is unreal lol I mean, it is so funny. So that's been passing my time tbh. Then went to eat fish and chips, came up and contemplated what I wanted to do, ended up opting for a bath. It was a nice hot bath but honestly I don't even know how long I was in there for, must've been almost 2 hours if I'm being frank with you lol
But got out and thought let me write out today's post, I think it has been about half an hour or so since I began writing it, with pauses inbetween and it is a long ass post today, can't lie about that.
I'll be heading into bed shortly, after I drink some water and then sort out my floor bed, I'll aim to sleep for around 12/1:30, as I do admit I have been getting lax with the time I go to sleep again despite it being 2/3 at latest. But if I bring it up then hopefully I'll feel like my mind is resting also.
I'm off to the office tomorrow, it's been so long I need to plan my jourey in order to aim to be there for 11:30, I'll be late no doubt but we'll see. Imma buy some BOBBA for sure hahah, hopefully not there for too long either :D but yeah I need to go drink some water and hit the bed.
Lastly, it is good to be back, give some structure and routine in my life again, it's been a bit all over the place.
Until tomorrow.