Day 65 Today I woke up at a decent time, 15 minutes after 11 in the morning, I couldn't lounge in bed as I usually do because nature came a-calling and it wasn't a pleasant one, hell it hasn't been pleasant all morning (all because of the KFC!). I've been a number of times already since I've been awake and that's only been around 2 hours now. Honestly, since waking up until now, time has flown incredibly quickly. But it's not one of those 'Oh my God I haven't done anything' as I can actually recount the things I have done thus far albeit only a handful of tasks.
I don't feel all too tired, mentally I feel like I am in a good space for the first time in days and don't have that nagging feeling that something terible lurks around the corner like I have been for a number of days now. I'm not even sure if I have spoken about some of these feelings but that won't stop me talking about it here! Right now! lol. Well for the last few days I've been feeling this omnious feeling (for a lack of a better word) that something bad was going to happen, just this nagging negativity. Yesterday was it's worst, especially in the morning but in all seriousness I didn't have time to waste on it so I did some breathing exercises, mediated and recited some Qur'an (holy book of Muslims). After doing so I felt calmer, so then honestly I had no real time to waste due to the annoying problem I was facing.
But that's it really, I've been feeling that feeling (really need to improve my vocab) a bit more frequently as it comes and goes. I feel like I handle it pretty well as I don't let it disrupt my life too much and I crack on with the shit I actually need to do. More often than not, I had have the luxury to worry about ill feelings or depression and the like. Mainly because in the moment I have more pertinent tasks to do. That being said this blog has been a huge help in how I am able to articulate those feelings whereas (especially) when I first got depression, it encapsulated my life and I became isolated until I was able to talk about it with friends and articulate those feelings to myself.
I have this annoying habit of ignoring my feelings or pushing them back in order to deal with them later, as I hate talking about them as I'm experiencing them, and I've found that writing has been fairly liberating as I get to express myself in my most favoured form of expression, as I am more articulate, I get that extra time to think and ultimately it is just me and myself having a conversation.
I've got another packed day with meetings and the like, last night I finally solved the stupid computer issue, hopefully it is a one-off as I've got another build for another new starter to get started on, sooner than later. But I didn't sleep when I intended to, I should've slept at like 12 to be honest, ended up sleeping at 2:40 and for the life of me I can't recall why or what I even did lol. But it was a good sleep nonetheless, I mean at least I didn't waste my night until about 5/6. I've found when I'm feeling shitty, I don't like sleeping at night, I always try to push back the arrival of the next time. Rather interesting habit and a very destructive one.
That's it for now, the lavatory calls me and I got something I need to write up which is going to take time but somehow I found 20 minutes to write this long ass post and I've only been awake for 2 hours!!